When Life Becomes Unbalanced

We all lead busy lives. Babies, significant other, family, friends, career, etc. Since having Taz, my attention has been so laser focused on motherhood and family that I've let other parts of my life fall to my side (and rightfully so). But, a balanced life is a key to happy...sane life! How do you figure out what part of your life needs attention so that you can make it more balanced? Reaching into my bag of coaching resources, I want to share The Wheel of Life, a little tool to help you figure this out. Sometimes all you need is a little focus to get you headed in the right direction.

Take a few minutes and fill out The Wheel of Life (below). The eight sections of the wheel represent balance. Rank your level of satisfaction with each area of life by placing a number from 1 to 10 in each (10 being very satisfied and 1 being not so satisfied). It's way to see where you're most satisfied and where you could focus your attention on a little more.

I went through this exercise about a month ago and I'm already feeling like I have a bit more balance in my life. I had rated "Family & Friends" a 7. For me, the family part is actually perfect but I've been so focused on just family that I've been missing my friends. Since then, I've reconnected with some great friends and have made a huge effort to plan more outings with them. Now, I would rate "Family & Friends" a 9! Consistency will make this a 10!

When you're done filling out the Wheel, ask yourself these questions:

• What is one area (of your life/the wheel) that you want to focus on?
• Why are you at a [insert number]?
• What number would you like to be at?
• What does that look like?
• What is one action that you can take in the next week to increase this number?
• Will you do it? 

How do you rate the areas in your life? Is there one area that is important to you that you want to make better? After completing this exercise feel free to share what you've discovered.


Don’t Touch My Baby!

Natali’s post about becoming a more confident mother reminded me of my own ongoing struggle to be more assertive, or in my case, perhaps assertive isn’t the right word. Perhaps it’s just being more outspoken but I definitely think I need a dose of courage too. I’m a little timid around folks I don’t really know...always trying to be polite and not step on anyone’s toes, but there have been a number of occasions where I want to slap a person’s hands (usually strangers) and say, “Don’t touch my baby’s hands!” Geez, doesn’t everyone know those are the things that babies constantly put in their mouth? (As if I realized this before becoming a mother.)

I don’t know if this is an issue with any of you, but it’s a constant struggle for me, particularly when traveling. Before you peg me as one of those moms who doesn’t let anyone hold her child, I’m definitely not. I’m happy to pass her along to friends and family and friends of friends though I will say after they’ve properly sanitized and they don’t appear to be sick.

It’s the strangers and the sick folks that drive me crazy! But, how do you say something without feeling like an anxious, overprotective “new” mother? But if I don’t say something, I’m possibly causing my baby to become sick. The latter is definitely more important than other people’s opinions but I would still like to handle the situation in the best way possible. Anyone else struggling or have struggled with this? Any advice to share?

Mothering With Confidence

When I was in labor with Baby Mo I got a nasty chill. One of the nurses gave me a blanket. She asked why I hadn't rang for the blanket earlier and I mumbled something about not wanting to be an inconvenience.

"You'll learn to speak up," she said curtly and whipped back around the curtain.

Baby Mo is six months old today. As I look back on my first six months as a mommy, this is the lesson that has been the hardest: speaking up.

As a new mom, you are second guessed a lot. I hate it. As much as I appreciate the help, I don't appreciate being second guessed. It makes me question myself and that is something a mother should not be in the habit of doing.

Confidence is an important quality in a mother and it is hard to find in the first months. My husband on the other hand never doubted his ability as a father. Baby Mo came out and a few hours later, he knew that the baby needed a diaper and he knew how to swaddle him. He took those small victories and built upon them and now has an amazing ability to read our son and care for him accordingly. He is Daddy, The Baby Whisperer.

Not me. My instinct may tell me what Baby Mo needs but then I will second guess myself or listen to someone's casual (or sometimes aggressive) suggestions and second guess again until I feel like I've run laps around my own thought process. In the end, it was usually my first instinct that was correct. It is exhausting and I am grateful to be outgrowing it.

Think of the most successful moms you know. No one steps in their path with a pointed finger and says, "Are you sure you should .?" No one would dare. Now think of that shivering woman in labor. You might second guess her, right? She makes it easy.

Some moms don't need this lesson in confidence. My pregnant sister-in-law is a point in case. At Thanksgiving, some family members were giving her suggestions about parenting. She simply said, "We're doing it this way and we're not going to talk about it any longer." She wasn't rude or aggressive. She just wanted to make it clear that her baby's care was not a democracy. I silently high-fived her from across the table for standing up for her decisions so declaratively.

That is how I aim to mother: with love, respect, and confidence.

Meanwhile, my baby's half birthday is a cause to celebrate other victories too. I hit my 6-month goal in breastfeeding (and still going!), I lost all of my baby weight, and I am (mostly) making it happen as a working mom. I can't believe how one little person can change your life so dramatically. I fall in love with this little man more and more every day. He is growing so fast and in many ways, so am I.

Nanny for hire!

Well turns out my company may have some freelance projects for me so I’m on the hunt for a part-time nanny. Wow, I never really understood how tough finding one could be, nor even the process of starting the search!

What definite questions do I need to ask? What sort of credentials do I ask for? Do I do a background check? How much is fair compensation – what’s the going rates for Nannies in the Bay Area?

After all this, I’ll still have to determine if my freelance work will compensate enough to even reason to do it – what if I’m only making a few bucks an hour after paying for the nanny? That’s not enough to miss out on precious time with my baby girl. So many factors and decisions! Okay parents with nannies, what advice do you have for me? I'm all ears!

Keeping Long-Distance Grandparents in your Baby’s Daily Life

I love California, but the one thing I don’t like about it (other than the earthquakes) is how far it is from my parents. They’re not just one flight away – they’re two. No direct flights to Arkansas. My sister’s children have an amazing relationship with my parents and they should – they live right across the street! While baby Beth won’t have that same experience I want to make sure she is as close to her grandparents as possible. We’ve discovered a few ways to weave them into our everyday routine and I thought I’d share for any other parents out there looking for ideas. And if you have any suggestions, please share!

1.       Recordable storybooks. My parents gave one of these to Elle for Christmas and she loves it! They recorded their voices reading the story to her so they will be familiar to her when they see her again. Hers is a story to put her down to sleep we read it every night before bed. It always makes me tear up at the end when they wish her goodnight and say they love her.

2.       Baby photo books. My parents also gave Beth an adorable Little Einstein photo book for Christmas that has little slots for photos so she can see their smiling faces everyday while she crinkles the book’s pages to make a funny sound or peeks at the animals on the pages. This way she can visit with granny and granddaddy every day.

3.       Skype. It’s nothing new, but isn’t Skype amazing? It allows us to see each and talk to each other every day. The only downside is that there are no hugs, squeezes or kisses. We’ll get those soon enough though because we head to see granny and granddaddy this week!