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Entries in culture (3)

Wednesday
Jan232013

Raising Boys

 

A friend recommended Raising Cain: Protecting The Emotional Life of Boys. I am about one third through.

I can't stop wondering at how our society is simultaneously patriarchal and yet unfriendly to men. The authors are therapists who have worked with troubled boys in public schools. They paint a picture of small but consistent subtleties that isolate boys from learning, punishing them for their natural instincts to play faster and learn slower than girls. These boys learn to think of themselves as unsuccessful in organized institutions and behave as the "problem kid" that they have been labeled for the remainder of their educational career. 

Is this not also an important step towards preventing school violence? Understanding the "emotional miseducation" of young male students? 

The authors point out that toddler girls are more likely to understand their own feelings and acknowledge them, using words like "love," "sad," and "scared." Young boys feel the same things but are seldom given an explanation for these feelings. They are taught to mistrust and ignore those feelings, to the detriment of themselves and anyone who will ever love them. 

This is an important read and I'm glad it was recommended to me. I intend to bring it up on this week's MommyBeta podcast but in the meantime, here are a few more poignant excerpts that stuck with me:  

  • "Stereotypical notions of masculine toughness deny a boy his emotions and rob him of the chance to develop the full range of emotional resources. We call this process, in which a boy is steered away from his inner world, the emotional miseducation of boys. It is a training away from healthful attachment and emotional understanding and expression, and it affects even the youngest boy, who learns quickly, for instance, that he must hide his feelings and silence his fears." 
  • "If a boy this age were unable to decipher the alphabet or read any better than this, every adult in his life would recognize that he needed help. But emotional illiteracy is so pervasive among boys that no one notices until something drastic happens. It takes a schoolyard shooting, a hole kicked in a wall, a drunk driving arrest, or a suicide for a boy’s emotional needs to get anyone’s attention." 
  • "Many men readily acknowledge that the generalization is true: they do prefer to avoid emotional people and situations. That doesn’t mean, however, that men lack the “wiring” for expressing or understanding emotion. Newborn boys, on average, are actually more emotionally reactive than girls. For example, studies show that baby boys cry more than baby girls when they are frustrated or upset." 
  • "As much as she would like the school environment to be just a place where instruction and expectations present both boys and girls with the same opportunity for success, the fact that it’s clearly easier for girls to adapt to it means that, in some unseen way, the expectations reflect girls’ abilities and sensibilities. This is the reason that David Trower, the headmaster of the all-boys Allen Stevenson School in New York City, says, 'If boys need the protection of the single-sex environment at all, they need it most in elementary school because of the developmental disparity.'"
  • "Studies that track children’s development through the school years suggest that, by the third grade, a child has established a pattern of learning that shapes the course of his or her entire school career.1 We see this clearly with boys: the first two years in school are a critical moment of entry into that world of learning, but boys’ relative immaturity and the lack of fit they so often experience in school set them up to fail. Many boys who are turned off to school at a young age never refind the motivation to become successful learners." 

More to come as I finish this book. 

Monday
Jan212013

Nonsense 

 

I talk a lot of nonsense to my children. It's more than just silly baby-talk. I'm talking about ridiculous old inside jokes and pop culture references that make no sense but make me laugh.

I'm sure we all do it. Here are a few particularly ludicrous things I say from time to time. 

  • "I read you Mrs. Esterhouse! Loud and clear!" I say this when my daughter is getting cranky. It's a line from Caddyshack II
  • "Keep your eye on the fruit!" Another Caddyshack II gem that I use when spooning in the baby food. 
  • "Somebody stop me!" I say this when I am attacking my kids' cheeks with kisses. It's a line from The Mask.  
  • "You ain't got no hair, Lieutenant Dan!" I say this when I'm combing my bald baby's head. It's a variation of a line from Forrest Gump
  • "Pants? Where we're going, we don't need pants!" My husband says this to my son when he gets him dressed. It's a variation of a line from Back To The Future
  • "Not so good, Al!" I say this when I drop something or something else silly happens. It's a line from the Weezer video Buddy Holly

These things are dumb and nonsensical but they amuse me. What are the favorite nonsensical one-liners in your house?? 

Monday
Sep192011

Where's Your Baby? Tied To The Lamppost, Of Course! 

A friend sent me this article about how it is common in Denmark to park sleeping babies outside of restaurants while parents go in to dine. To us over-protective American parents, this sounds shocking but put aside your indignation for a second and imagine how liberating this could be! 

Baby is asleep? Don't mind if I do! 

How often have you maneuvered your stroller into a not-so-baby-friendly restaurant? I've done it countless times in tiny New York City establishments. 

Excuse me. Pardon me. Sorry. Excuse me. 

How often do you give someone a dirty look for bumping in your stroller while your little one is asleep? Or being too loud? 

And if it is a restaurant that allows smoking, isn't the fresh air nap so much better for baby? 

This is utopic and not something I am advocating. We do this to dogs in the US but not humans. I don't even like parking my empty stroller outside of restaurants when the management asks me to, for fear of someone swiping it. But it is amazing to think of how other people can have such intrinsic trust in their community to put a wall between themselves and their precious sleeping babies and then take a moment to themselves to enjoy a latte or glass of wine. 

Not for me. But good for them!