Today I announced that I am pregnant with Baby #2 on the MommyBeta Podcast. It's true! Baby loading!
I found out I was pregnant about 6 weeks ago. Next week, I enter the second trimester and hopefully this morning sickness (AKA all-damn-day sickness) will subside soon.
What surprises me about this pregnancy is not that it is so familiar but rather that the idea of another baby is so foreign, even after 6 weeks of warming to the idea.
Last week I went in for my genetic testing where I had to give about a gallon of blood. (I exagerate but not by much!) The nurse asked if I was excited about Baby #2 and I gave her an honest answer as I often find myself incapable of meaningless smalltalk.
"Yes but I'm nervous because I don't know how I'll find room in my heart for another one," I said.
She was silent so I kept talking.
"I'm sure all moms feel that way, right?" I said.
"Actually no," she said. "You're the first person to ever say that to me. Most moms are nervous that they won't be able to handle the workload. No one's ever said that they may not have room in their heart. That's interesting."
Interesting? This woman sees new mothers every day and I am the first one to express this sentiment? How can that be?
Of course I am referring to the love I have for Baby Mo who is 15 months old now. Every day I fall more in love with my son as his personality grows and he shows himself to be intelligent and kind and fun loving. My heart is chalk full of love for him, for my husband Clayton, for our family. I feel like I am at capacity! Yet I am told that when I see my new baby, I'll find that I have so much more love to give.
My mom said she felt the same way when she was pregnant with my sister but then "you get over that fast."
I did not learn to truly love Baby Mo until I had actually seen him with my own eyes. There is no preparing yourself for how much you will fall in love with your child, which is why I know that when #2 makes his/her debut, I'll love him/her in a brand new way because s/he is a brand new person.
It is also worth reminding myself that I did want another baby. We had planned to start trying towards the end of the year but it turns out we're a fertile family. Which is fine by me! I don't want to go through another humid summer in my last month of pregnancy. Woof!
We are in a good place for another baby. We have moved out of Manhattan so we have the space in our home. And I'm sure we have space in our hearts too. We just don't know it yet.
Parents of more than one child, what was your experience? How did your heart expand to fit your growing family? And do you even remember feeling the way I do or does that all Poof! go away when you meet your new bundle of joy?