Raising A Woman
Last week I was accepted to business school. I took the GMAT two weeks after I gave birth to Ava and am hoping to start my program this fall or winter.
I've been planning for an MBA for months but now that I am a mother of a girl, my reasons for doing it have shifted a little.
Miles will be 2 at the end of the month. I love being his mommy but raising a boy is a very different sense of responsibility. As women, we know how to support men. After all, we live in a highly patriarchal society so we support men all of our lives as wives, daughters, sisters, etc.
But we don't necessarily know how to support women. That is not as innate. So when the doctor handed me a baby girl two months ago, I thought to myself, "How can I set the best example I possibly can to prepare her for womanhood?"
I feel responsible to teach her things that I won't have to teach Miles. I certainly don't mean how to cook, clean, have babies, and wear pink. I want to teach her how to have ambition beyond gender limits, how to value herself beyond what the opposite sex thinks of her, how to love herself as a woman in a man's world, how to dream and reach for the stars.
I want her to be proud of me as a woman. I want her to see that her mommy puts everything she has into raising her family but also works hard for her own goals too. I watched my mom do that my whole life and am extremely proud to be her daughter.
These are lessons I want Miles to absorb as well but he will not face the boundaries that she will. Of course in the end, I want them both to be proud of their mommy for getting an MBA while cloth diapering, making baby food, and cutting the crusts off the bread. And hopefully I can exhibit some measure of grace throughout.
Maybe we can't have it all but as women we certainly can't stop dreaming for ourselves once the babies come. How can we raise dreamers if we don't dream too?
Baby, Girl, business school, mba, natali del conte, natali morris, woman
Reader Comments (7)
Good luck Natali! I'm a dad of two amazing little girls and try to do the same. I try snd she them that their options aren't princess or tomboy; gowns or soccer shorts. They have to make and bring their own awesome and let everyone else bask
But it ain't easy. Family, teachers, the traditional expectations come from the worst places. The hard work can be undone by a grandmother saying "little girls can't do that.". BS they can! They can do anythingmtheynwant, and don't discourage them!
Dirt washes off, scrapes heal and pride in yourself and what you just learned you could do lasts until your surpass it.
I couldn't have said it better myself Nat. Beautiful post. You're right. We have quite a job ahead of us. Congrats on B-school - I have no doubt you'll excel at whatever you put your mind to. Go get 'em girl!
"I want to teach her how to have ambition Beyond Gender Limits, how to value herself beyond what the opposite sex thinks of her, how to love herself as a woman in a man's world, how to dream and reach for the stars."
I honestly think that we have gotten to a point where women put more limits on themselves & each other, then men put on women.
I would avoid the use of the following statements from now on:
1. "It's a man's world." Yes, men rule most of it, but that's only because we've been allowed to. That can be changed.
2. "It's a man's job." Do you really want your daughter to think she can't/shouldn't do something because of her gender???
Yes, more muscle mass means we men can carry, pull, & push heavier loads, but much of what a man can do can be accomplished by a smart woman.
"We live in a highly patriarchal society." Do you think this is the best way to be??? Do you want to help change this??? Do you want to raise a Matriarch???
Congratulations! I saw Suzannah post this on FB and I'm glad to have connected with you as well. Best of luck as you follow your dreams. May both your kids do the very same!
As a Mum of a 27yr old daughter & 23 yr old son they are both so different in personality. Finding a happy balance for both & showing them that "Mummy" was capable of choosing what I wanted in life. Over time I have achieved some of my dreams and goals and they were apart of all that...sometime they have even said I'm proud of you mum!
I have been very conscious in giving my daughter skills to be confident in her self pride (I don't mean looking pretty) teaching her the power of self belief, to take chances if you truly believe it's right, network and always try to leave any situation with a positive attitude.
So far we've had ups and downs and just 2 months ago she said "Mum I'm the only person in my office to have networked with former colleagues and to have left 2 jobs on a positive vibe" I was so proud of her!
Stay true to what you believe Natali and go for it!!!
Suzie
Good luck to you on your journey! I am just completing my MBA at the end of the year and have a two year old myself. I find raising a daughter, especially as a father, to be a great responsibility and challenge. Much like I have had concerns about this. Being the father and male in her life will shape her future relationships she has with men. Add to that being a child who is of mixed race and she will definitely face challenges. I hope to raise her well and to set the best example I can. Thanks for sharing as I have had similar feelings about raising a daughter.
You and Clayton will do great!
Mike
Wow, that is very poignant and beautiful. As a mother of a girl I do feel that responsibility you speak of. But as a mother of a boy, I feel a strong responsibility as well. I recently listened to an episode of NPR Fresh Air in which Anna Quindlen was interviewed. She talked about raising feminist boys and how she had to teach them that there's a certain kind of privilege that comes with being a white male and how they shouldn't take that. Well, she said it very well. I think we definitely have a responsibility to teach our sons just as much as our daughters. And it might be trickier.
If you want to listen to it here's a link: http://www.npr.org/2012/04/24/150738848/anna-quindlen-over-50-and-having-plenty-of-cake
The specific question was at 15:10, but the entire interview is very interesting.